Self-harm is not an easy subject to talk openly about, so never underestimate the courage that it takes someone to speak out publicly. Today, Self-harm is reaching epidemic levels among young people - this was not so much the case when I was young. I began self-harming at 13 years old. It started small but steadily got worse - in some ways it becomes an addiction. Yes my friends, this is why you have never seen me wear short sleeves. I am far to ashamed of my scars to show them to you. Though I am the type of person that no one pays attention to anyway, so likely none of you have noticed my need to cover up! hell I imagine no one will even bother to read this post and find out LMAO! Jokes aside, Self-harm is no laughing matter. Neither is the pain you have be in to even consider hurting yourself. I mean, it is a last resort type of thing. People with great support networks are less likely to become the ones who self-harm. It is the traumatised kids, the sad, the lonely, the bullied and the abused. Self-harm is a response to pain, pain that is too overwhelming to cope with in that moment. Just let that sink in...
Self-harm comes in many forms, more socially unacceptable forms are cutting, self-poisoning, hair pulling and punching walls/doors. The more socially acceptable forms such as binge drinking, remaining in toxic relationships or extreme dieting are rarely talked about forms - mostly because people don't see them for what they are. I am guilty of engaging mostly in the unacceptable forms, although I also drank a lot in my teenage years as well as suffering from eating disorders since the age of 13.
People who self-harm often do so because the act itself brings relief. It is an attempt to regulate ones emotions, as well as being an act that, in effect punctures through feelings of numbness or disconnection from reality. By translating emotional pain into physical pain, that pain then becomes easier to cope with. Equally, sometimes people feel too little and the physical pain serves as a reminder of their existence, a reminder they are still alive.
When a person is unable to regulate their own emotions, they feel out of control. Therefore self-harm is also an attempt to take back control - imagine feeling as though harming yourself was the only freedom you had left. Taking away self-harm as a coping mechanism can have disastrous consequences for that person.
Are you following so far?
Did you know that people who present at A&E having self-harmed are 50 to 100 times more likely to die from suicide the following year?
Self-harm is often misunderstood as attention seeking or a halfhearted suicide attempt. This is NOT the case. Most of the time the use of self-harm helps to prevent suicide attempts, and most self harm remains hidden. But this misunderstanding can have serious consequences and be the final straw for someone already on the edge. It also reinforces the lack of care from others that often triggers self-harm in the first place.
Personally, I also used self-harm in a self-punishing way. When you feel like the world is against you, the only person you can take it out on is yourself - who else would listen or care anyway right? No one ever cared enough to listen to me. I grew up in a world where expressing what are deemed as negative emotions was unacceptable. So not learning to regulate my negative feelings, set me up to fail as a child and young adult when my life really went tits up! I didn't stand a chance. As an adult, I am still learning to overcome the challenges that my life threw at me when I was young and I will always have to work hard to keep myself healthy and well because of it.
In some ways it has made me a better person so it is not all doom and gloom. I have skills and experience as an adult (also learnt through my study) and a mother that mean I am able to work with people and children in a way that others can't. This has advantaged me throughout my training as a Social Worker and helped me become a top student and high-flyer in my field. That was of course until I had my mental breakdown ha! but I will get completely better and get back to work eventually!
So there you have my little (but scary) confession, with a little education mixed in. I hope it has gone some way in raising awareness and understanding of something so very misunderstood!
My Bunny Crystal Life xxx
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